Brand strategist struggles in the bedroom

10 Apr 24

It’s time for this brand strategist to level with you. I really can’t put a duvet cover on.

Before writing this I have set about this task this morning, as on so many occasions – and I assure you that I approached with a positive and anticipatory mindset. Surely this time it will go better? Almost certainly, dogged determination and a confident mindset will nail the nonsense in a way that until this moment has not seemed possible?

Reader, they did not. I’m now in a hot flush (yes, I agree that could be for a different set of reasons), with really poor hair and the bed in a worse state than when I started (and it was stripped at that point).

What in the name of Egyptian thread count is the problem here?

I’m in to middle age, apparently. I have run my brand strategy business for 19 years. I manage my own household and have a significant role in supporting another. I’ve travelled, started life over once or twice, negotiated a fair few CurveBalls and have run a marathon with a flared Achilles. I reckon there’s some resilience in the old girl. But I have a troubled, unbalanced and consistently unsuccessful relationship with bedding at its most critical usage moment. My inadequacy in this area knows no bounds.

To paint the horror pic, this morning I ended up standing wholly inside the duvet cover with 90% of the duvet out of reach and no navigational corners visible. On previous occasions, I have tripped over the bed frame with the cover on my head and the sense of direction of an inebriated gnat. I have ripped covers. I have thrown the duvet across the room and broken china. Once or twice I have given up altogether and gone to bed without a cover on, which is obviously unhygienic and lazy. Not too bothered.

People hire me to review and/or build their brands. I can toggle in to pretty meaty and knotty strategy problems and re-set them – whilst tog rating and its associated planning and execution utterly and totally elude me. It’s not just that I can’t do it, but I have actually made no progress whatsoever with this over decades of duvet exposure. If Mark Ritson wants to offer a Mini MBA in HomeCraft (unit 1: Bed Modelling) I’ll sign.


Agencies and clients:

Brand strategist with embarrassing spatial flaws for hire: Never content with a pile of sheet.